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→ Estes São os 10 Segredos dos Casais Felizes

Diversos estudos tentaram determinar o que fazem os casais felizes, em comparação com aquelas que fracassam. Mas, finalmente, podem resumir-se em um conceito: centrar-se no outro.

Quando se trata de se relacionar com outros seres humanos, quase sempre pensamos que estamos fazendo bem. Depois de tudo, é uma dessas coisas instintivas, que temos vindo a fazer ao longo da vida. A tal ponto nós estamos convictos da nossa capacidade, que costumamos atribuir os problemas nas relações familiares, de trabalho, de amizade ou de casal, com problemas na personalidade do outro. Muito raramente nos damos conta de quanto impacta a nossa própria maneira de fazer as coisas, as relações que temos. E mais ainda, quanto impacta todo o que deixamos de fazer.

Pois bem, em nenhum outro contexto: isto é tão patente, como na vida de casal. Afinal, trata-se de viver o resto de nossas vidas com a mesma pessoa, vendo-a diariamente e passando com ela sucessos e fracassos, alegrias e frustrações. Não é de admirar, então, que a busca da “fórmula perfeita” para ter um relacionamento feliz e duradouro, tenha acompanhado toda a história humana.

A CIÊNCIA ENTRA NO DEBATE

Oceanos de tinta tem corrido quanto o que caracteriza os casais felizes e não são poucos os estudos que têm procurado quantificar. Pois bem, os fabricantes de aplicação de celulares Happify, que promete ajudá-lo a ser mais feliz através de jogos e atividades, criaram um infográfico que resume 12 estudos e textos de especialistas, com os segredos que caracterizam os casais felizes.

A principal conclusão é que o fator determinante na felicidade de um casal é o seu nível de AMIZADE. Este fator, por si só, influencia 70% na qualidade do sexo, romance e paixão de um casal. Além disso, verificou-se que, como era de se esperar, os casais felizes têm mais interações positivas que negativas (5 a 1), a diferença de casais que terminam em divórcio, a relação é de 0,8 a 1. E não se trata de qualidade, também de quantidade: em média, os casais de sucesso passam 5 horas a mais por semana juntos e conversando.

Como os Casais Felizes?

Claro, uma coisa é saber que você tem que ser bom, mas outra muito diferente é ser. Daniel Wallen escreveu, no LifeHacker, uma coluna chamada 15 coisas que fazem diferente casais felizes, que complementa muito bem as sugestões da infografia de Happify.

Assim que, organizando e classificando as peças jornalísticas, eis o que os casais felizes fazem de diferente:

  • 1. Se comunicam

A pedra angular de toda a relação humana é a comunicação. E por comunicação, não nos referimos ao incessante fluxo de consciência que caracteriza muitos casais, onde uma parte (geralmente a mulher) fala todo o dia, enquanto o homem finge ouvir enquanto vê o futebol.

Comunicar implica tanto ou mais a capacidade de ouvir, de falar. Isso quer dizer que, por exemplo, antes de começar a narrar o seu horrível dia, o casal faz uma pausa para abraçar o seu parceiro, se beijam e perguntam como foi o seu dia.

  • 2. Enfrentam os problemas a tempo

Muito em linha com o anterior, os casais sólidos que não se guardam os problemas e frustrações nem esperam que a vida se torne insuportável antes de abordar seus problemas. Pelo contrário, tendem a fornecê-los, apenas acontecem. Fazem saber a seu parceiro que há algo que está afetando.

Mas, além disso, o fazem de maneira saudável, sem críticas, ataques ou ironias. Pelo contrário, expressam o que sentem e estão abertos para ouvir, dialogar e ceder. “Isso me afetou porque eu me senti…”

Por último, também não guardam rancor. Entendem que seu parceiro é humana e que, por muito que lhes tenha ferido algo que ela fez ou disse, durante um momento de stress ou cansaço, não queriam realmente feri-los. Se você se surpreende errado procurando a oportunidade de vingar-se de seu parceiro por algo que fez, questione-se seriamente se você está enfrentando seu relacionamento com maturidade.

  • 3. Se expressam carinho… Tudo a seu tempo!

Para os homens é particularmente difícil entender por que suas mulheres lhes perguntam constantemente “você Me quer?”. Pois bem meninos, a razão é muito simples: porque não está dizendo o suficiente. Como uma planta requer irrigação freqüente, em uma relação de casal não basta dizer “eu te amo” e fazer algo romântico no dia do aniversário, para depois esquecer-se de fazer isso pelo resto do ano.

Os casais saudáveis se expressam todo o tipo de gestos de carinho frequentemente: Se dizem “eu te amo” quase compulsivamente, se bajulam, se vêem coisas, surpreendem suas casais com pequenos atos de carinho (preparar uma comida ou lavar os pratos, quando não era a sua vez.

Em suma, se esforçam por fazer que o seu parceiro se sentir bem, se sentir feliz e amada. Quando foi a última vez que você disse a seu companheiro que parece espetacular?

  • 4. Se apoiam e potenciam-se mutuamente

Nas boas e nas más, os casais saudáveis ajudam a crescer mutuamente.

Quando um se sente triste ou derrotado, o outro o motiva. Quando se inicia um novo desafio, o outro o apóia, acompanha e lhe mostra admiração. E quando finalmente recebe um grande realização (ou até mesmo um pequeno), o outro se entusiasma, o parabeniza, diz-lhe o quanto o admira e lhe pede que conte tudo o que aconteceu.

Demais está dizer que também ajudam nas coisas mundanas, como dividir os afazeres do lar ou apoiar-se no cuidado dos filhos.

Não é raro que os casais felizes, muitas vezes falar de “o quanto mudou e melhorou” em companhia um do outro. Você acha que você melhorado junto com o seu parceiro?

  • 5. Sabem ceder

Um não sempre consegue tudo o que quer. Uma relação em que apenas um membro deverá ceder permanentemente, o que quer o outro, não é uma relação saudável. Ambos devem conceder uma coisa: se vocês viram o filme que queria, comerão os lanches que prefere o outro e assim por diante.

  • 6. Eles passam o tempo e as aventuras juntos

Os casais saudáveis sabem que a sua relação é uma prioridade, não importa o quão ocupados estejam. Por isso, farão o impossível para limpar tempo para estar juntos.

Além disso, para evitar a monotonia, procuram atividades que possam fazer juntos: aulas de dança ou de cozinha, refeições a lugares novos, viajar, sair para caminhar, vão a um concerto.

  • 7. Sabem dar espaço e não são ciumentos

Lembram-se que comparamos a uma relação com uma planta? Pois bem, assim como uma planta seca, se não se lhe dá água suficiente seguido, também se morre, se colocamos água em excesso.

Embora sejam felizes juntos, não são completamente dependentes um do outro, nem exigem companhia permanente, afinal não há melhor receita para odiar alguém que estar com ele em todos os momentos.

Por isso mesmo, se alguém quiser procurar por uma paixão que o outro não compartilha, sair com seus amigos ou amigas, ou simplesmente sentar-se a ler em silêncio, o outro aproveita essa oportunidade para desfrutar das suas próprias paixões pessoais.

  • 8. Riem juntos

É minha impressão que o melhor indicador de que uma relação será bem sucedida, é que ambos sejam capazes de rir juntos de coisas que lhes acontecem. Não se trata de que tenham que ser absolutamente brilhantes ou talentosos, mas que possam ser tomadas problemas com humor, ter algumas piadas internas, que ninguém mais entende, compartilhar histórias, sentir que o outro nos faz feliz.

  • 9. Sabem enfrentar uma diferença de opinião

Até os casais felizes discutem e lutam ocasionalmente, mas é aí onde se apreciam as principais diferenças com os casais disfuncionais.

Em um relacionamento saudável, o casal procura centrar a discussão no problema em particular, mais do que focar no outro. Por isso, jamais usam o verbo “ser” (“você é um egoísta”), mas que expressam o problema como uma situação específica (“senti que não me tomaste em conta”).

Além disso, buscam reduzir a tensão durante a discussão, demonstrando humor (mesmo que não provocações), expressando afeto e a ceder em alguns pontos. “Okey, é verdade isso, mas também leva em conta que…” e, é claro, ouvindo o que diz o outro.

No entanto, em que os casais disfuncionais abundam as críticas, a agressividade, o desprezo, as atitudes defensivas, os insultos e, ainda pior, ignorar a discussão.

  • 10. Na cama

Muitos tendem a concentrar-se no sexo a felicidade de um casal, mas como vimos, existem muitos fatores que incidem sobre ela. De fato, se o casal faz todas as coisas referidas antes, o resultado final é quase inevitável, vai entrar para a cama.

Infográfico centra-se na quantidade de sexo (recomendável fazer isso 3 vezes por semana, mas diz que uma vez já gera um aumento na satisfação do casal), mas a qualidade do mesmo é tão ou mais importante. Preparar o ambiente e ajudar uns aos outros, expressando o que se busca, é a receita para uma relação sentimental e sexual satisfatória. Mas isso, os casais felizes sabem que…

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Estes São os 10 Segredos dos Casais Felizes
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Juliana Dias

Sobre o autor | Website

Olá, meu nome é Juliana, tenho 27 anos, sou apaixonada por assuntos relacionados ao mundo masculino. E estou aqui para ajudar você mulher a saber tudo sobre os homens, seja na arte da conquista ou reconquista. Espero que eu possa contribuir verdadeiramente em seus relacionamentos, e qualquer coisa entre em contato ;)

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